We all have our own story
Our own unique book
Filled with stubborn hero's and Saturday nights

It never leaves our side
We write down what we see
How we feel

As we grow older, we change
We sacrifice our Saturday nights for Sunday afternoons

It happens to the best of us
Our attention falters, pages rip
We pick them up and move on

One day we realize our floor has been captured by paper
Shocked, we gently pinch the nearest sliver
It's a picture of our old stuffed tiger, Johnny

We touch a couple more pieces, then we leave
Life blows the rest of our heart shards into the shadows

Everyone has a story
Unimportant pages
Special Chapters

Eventually you drop your book
Pages rip

You pick the ripped pieces up off the ground
pages rip
You realize what's happening but it is already too late

What was on that page?
What did this page say?

Soon you feel like you’re missing something
You begin lose control

What happened to all of my friends?
Why is a stuffed tiger my only friend?
This isn’t my story!

Now what?
Do you start your book over?

No.

You rewrite your ripped pages
You write what feels good
You complete your story

I have to sleep
I want to start my life
But I want you to know how I feel
I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life

I am twenty-two and I have been happy my whole life
The happy that blinds you from the truth
The happy that keeps you in a bubble because your afraid of being sad

I just received a call from a high school friend I haven't talked to in four years
He was the first person to ever understand who I am
He wants to hang out, even though I broke his trust

I came home to six messages on Live Journal
People wanting me as their friend
Messages telling me to check out their home pages
It's overwhelming

I am trying not to cry
I cant wait to run tomorrow morning
I am not afraid anymore
Oh god

I was so sad for so long
I have so much rebuilding to do
I want to go to sleep
I want to wake up

God i cant believe this is my life
I don't deserve this

Take this moment to think about your story
Your villains, your heroes, how to complete your story
Start slow, start by going to sleep
goodnight

Just started LiveJournal (I think most of the friends I have here know this already).  Thank you for friending me, or posting something on my journal, or on any of my pieces of work.  I forgot how much I liked to write, and because of your support I remembered.  I just feel so good right now and its all because of your help.  Thank you

Tomorrow I start working out again
I haven't been to a gym since high school
man, why do I feel so apprehensive

Could it be that I haven't been myself since high school?
So many good memories, so many scary ones
I still haven't said sorry to anyone
God I hurt so many people

I am a compulsive liar
Ever since I told my mother that I didn't say those swear words on the bus in 2nd grade
I blamed it on my best friend Louie, and she believed me

I wish I could take back all the things I have said
I have a such wicked tongue
It can heal
It can hurt
It could kill

I'm so sorry
Is it possible that saying sorry will save me from Zoloft?
Cure my anxiety?
I guess l will find out tomorrow

I've always been afraid
people, failure, bees, you name it
Its been so long since anything has made sence

I finally found a woman i can trust
I have a grip on college
I am getting back into shape
Its great

Only its not so great
I don't feel great
Why....
Why do I not feel great

Someone tell me

I know that T.V. is borderline evil
Its beautiful outside
I am getting fat
I am hanging back

I thought my mind did not want to write anymore
i threw out ten years of my hard earned words
I do not like where this is going

Everyone I come in contact with crumbles
Is this my destiny?
Always afraid, always

Am i just passing time?
playing it safe inside
absorbing the mind numbing rays of the T.V.
Is it wrong to hate?

I have turned into a monster
A Grown up villain
What was I before?

Questions without answers
I thought I had all the answers
Is this all there is?

So lonely
give me pills
help me

If I do not believe in me, who will?
will you?
will they?

I hope were all the same
 

There is a party going on upstairs
Everyone is have fun
Dancing, singing, laughing
Their eyes and hearts are one

I am pawing on the door
so gently they can not hear
My desire is like a lions roar
In a savannah of fear

Over and over I walk upstairs
clawing at that door
Waiting for someone to walk out
Because I am not ready to roar

What if you could not go to sleep?
What if you just.... couldn't
The lights are off, your eyes are closed, and...nothing
So you decide to write until you fall asleep
Four years later you wake up; realizing your anxious, Insomnia, your depressed, and life has moved on without you
How would you feel?
That is how i feel.

Lauren

You are a special girl
Nobody has told ever you because they want you all to themselves
I still cant believe want to be with me

Of course, I am unique in my own way
I accept who I am
You think I like you more then you like me
but I am just happy to be alive

My ideas are contagious
I have been able to control everyone I have ever met
But not you
Your just like me in so many ways, one of us must be lying

You are so strong
but so am I
Were both so afraid to be loved
So afraid

I have learned that its easier to hide out in the open then in your room
like you do
I do not want anyone to know who I am
Or how I feel

I see us together for a long time
Its too bad I have to move next summer
You want to keep your distance because sooner or later I am going to leave
I understand

I told you that I have lived in six states
When I was six I could not lift my head out of my pillow to wave goodbye
Everyone I have ever loved has been ripped away from me

I have been afraid my whole life
I want to take everything back
I do not want you to know about my anxiety
I hate that you know that I am insecure

I hate you
I wanted to get my life back together and move away
Now I have doubts
I am confronted with the cold truth of being afraid again

When I wrote be with me, I meant every word
I know where this is going, I know how it ends
It ends like every other relationship I have ever had

Or maybe, maybe I am wrong
Maybe these tears wont scare you away
Or maybe I am just happy to be alive
Who knows, maybe I love you

There is a certain degree of wrong
with helping people get along
Fill the void and join together
Or live in fear, hoping forever

Open everything but your eyes
The fan's hum is so loud it drowns out the voices inside my head
This probably wont be written down
My world is erratic and sperratic
But once your in, you are lost forever

Be with Me

I have secrets, I have flaws
I like people, I love dogs
I do not want anything at all
Except to be with you

I like the nighttime, I like the rain
Behind my iron eyes there’s pain
I like it how you don’t play games
I want to be with you

You shied away, it drew me closer
I cant believe your single too
A beautiful, Italian, four leaf clover
I want to be with you

Your too cute for your own good
Your glare could split a block of wood
I cant stop thinking about you

Tell me your unhealthy thoughts
You think your weird, well I’m weird too
I don’t know why I am not afraid
I want to be with you

Hair like a Gothic angel
Laugh like the afternoon
Keeping me company at the break room table
I want to be with you